Thursday, May 8, 2014

The Missing Piece: Part 2

Continued from Part 1

The things I am going to write about are used in places like church at alter calls, and in government agencies such as the FBI. Merely tapping into strong emotions so to speak.

Now I am not saying my theory is the only way that people can permanently change. Everyone has a different background, a unique story. What I can vouch for is that after counseling with more than 12 therapists, more than 15 different doctors treating me for addiction, depression, anxiety, or symptoms related to, that this is the only rapid noticeable change I've experienced.

It's actually a pretty simple concept, and I will explain it the best I know how. Again, this is a theory I was taught-not medical advice!

Here is the simple version.

We will use me wanting to quit drugs as an example as the primary decision I'd like to change.

Step 1- I need to decide on a willpower level that I want to quit opiates and stay sober forever. Our willpower is essentially our motivation and decision to change something on a conscious level. 

Ex- I tell my doctor that I decided I want to be sober, and I will do whatever I can to accomplish and maintain that decision.

Sounds easy right?

Step 2: revise our willpower decision for loopholes. 

For instance, instead of 'I want' needs to be 'I will'. Another example is to eliminate the word 'try'.

Ex-I will work hard at real estate and earn 100k this year.

This guy ended up in prison 5 years. 

Loophole= I will work hard at Real Estate and LEGALLY earn 100k this year. (true example of a patient of Dr. D)


Step 3: We begin to practice driving our new decision into our unconscious. 

This can only be done in a state of high emotion! Anger, rage, sadness, etc. 

Ex: Any time I am in therapy and start to get choked up and upset talking about my traumatized and dysfunctional past, Dr. D will stop me. 

The 1st time I tried this was when I talked about my children and how what I've done has effected them, and how upset I was. I told him I wished I could tell them how sorry I was and that I wouldn't let them hurt anymore. He asked me how it would sound if I made that decision. 

It was very difficult for me to get that part out. I have conditioned myself to suppress tears and sadness. However, by the time I answered and he helped me revise this is what my decision looked like.

I have made the decision that no matter how I feel, no matter how much I want to be numb, I will remember how badly it will hurt you.I'll do anything and everything I can to be ok, but I will not use as long as I have you two. 

The doc asked me several times to repeat this. I was crying a bit and let me tell you, it was more difficult then it sounds.. for me at least. I have issues when it comes to facing hurtful things. Opiates and drugs are what I used to cope with some very tumultuous issues.  I am programmed on auto response to totally shut down emotionally when tears begin to brew. 

So far in my therapy the decision is the one I have done successfully. I am working on others and am able to make decisions on a willpower level but have not yet come into the high emotional state stage. I write down the things that I want to change in a small notebook that I carry with me. 

My decision' notebook (see link for details on how to start and use a decision notebook)

Step 4 is to begin identifying secondary decisions. These are things that backed up a life changing primary decision we make.

Let me recap for you:


Conception: we have good/positive thoughts in us

Birth: As we undergo the process of birth and throughout our lives, those thoughts change depending on our circumstances and experiences. What we decide about ourselves starts to change the course of our lives.

***As I stood in the mirror at 14, I started that new decision in a very high state of emotion! I audibly told my reflection that I'd show my Mom what worthless really was!

Willpower decision: Deciding you want something to change and saying it on a willpower level.

Writing down the willpower decision.

Find and change loopholes in our decision

Reciting the decision in a state of high emotion. Re-affirming as much as possible so as to drive the new decision into our unconscious.

Identify secondary decisions

I encourage you to give this a shot. It doesn't hurt anything. From where I am standing, I have changed more in the last few months than on 20 years combined. I have began to really forgive myself, I am making good decisions I never could arrive at before as opposed to the destructive ones. Something is different and I believe a large part of the reason for doing so is my practicing this.

This is not the only step to take to commit to sobriety. There are so many things for an addict to work on in order to maintain a stable and sober life. However, my doc started out 40 years ago surveying people on different things and using these ideas to arrive at this conclusion.  He refers it to destiny changing. and he himself is recovered and practices this still in all aspects of life.

I don't have any other advantage of sharing this aside from me wanting others to hopefully begin to find the missing piece that begins healing in your lives.

Feel free to comment or ask questions on the ideas. :)


Part 1 link: http://preventingrelapse.blogspot.com

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