Monday, July 28, 2014

Does it really matter?

I find myself curious the longer I avoid posting on my blog, as to whether or not my readers know what's up. It is kind of a useless thought, with the exception that it reminds me that it's never too late to write another post. I mean.....pretty simple decision; right?

I came to my own conclusion that if I regularly followed a blog like mine, and the blogger went MIA, I would certainly want to hear from them again, Regardless of the reason of absence, all of my days published or not, are what make up my life. 

I would like to take this next paragraph to invite comments and opinions. My absence from updating Blogger has been due to both positive and negative actions. The Suboxone I did write most of those days, and knowing I have to read them again in order to type them up does NOT sound fun. Fear keeps me at bay. Fear keeps me hidden. So many days of the last 2 months I have given up all hope.


Here I am. I know there is still a shred of hope that flickers deep inside somewhere.  It lays dormant in that same place where the fearless, ambitious, hopeful girl used to dwell.  I hardly remember her, but I think about her a lot ore lately. 

My friends, my readers, fellow suffering addicts, do I lay out the last two months and all the ups and downs? My recovery is not dead until I decide it is. I want to keep fighting. Option 2 is not to blog anymore. I will not write this story if I do not hold my writing to a standard of truth. Option 3 is start over a fresh new blog where no one knows whats been going on. 

I have purposefully isolated and pushed away from all those near and dear to me. I have mentioned before, I write under an alias, but the stories and entries are real. I actually have allowed a few people I know have access to this blog. That also makes it harder to write.

I do want to. I want to push past the fear.

Please any feedback and advice welcome.



  1. hey, do you remember me? it's mel from switzerland. I am so glad to read from you since i have been wondering how you were doing. I am glad you're doing ok more or less.
    I'd like to hear what has happened, but i understand that you don't feel comfortable to reread those texts again. would a summary be an option? or just tell where you're at now and then go from there again? I guess the best thing is to listen to your heart :) I just hope you won't go MIA again ;-)
    Keep hanging in there! Hugs from switzerland! mel

  2. Of course I remember! I talk about you often and how we met. Thanks for staying tuned in, and thanks for your input about my sharing! It means a great deal!

  3. If you feel it in your heart, keep writing. I was wondering why I hadn't seen you for a while. Fear is the enemy, love is your friend. Keep writing and don't let fear win. Love and Light, Lou (MeMySoulAndEye). xxx

  4. Thank you for the kind words Louise. I do want to speak out about everything! It has been a really healthy outlet for me. Fear definitely keeps me from speaking out freely! I tend to write nothing rather then write at a partial bit of my reality. Thanks, J'Elle

  5. I went through the same recently. I stopped blogging for a couple months and felt like no one even noticed. I just didnt feel motivated because I though no one really read my posts anyways but what I learned was that blogging really helps me process my life and helps me heal regardless if anyones reading or not. So please dont stop blogging, I love your blog and even though I might not comment Im here. Ive recently started commenting more because Ive realized how important people comments were to me and that I wanted to give that support to other bloggers as well.
    Here the post I wrote about going MIA for a couple months and feeling like no one cared.
    Know that your not alone. <3<3

  6. Thx Chelsie! I am excited to read your post. I needed to read your comment. :-)